On the Sidewalk with Chip Newsly:
Atlas City Resolutions

by Johnny Craft

Hello one, hello all! It's everyone's favorite Atlas City Times Weekend Edition Blogger, Chip Newsly back with you once again, for another glorious new year!

My personal resolution is to transition into television news anchoring, but I was recently able to catch up with some of Atlas City's most popular heroes (and not-so-heroes) to ask them about the resolutions they have.

I proudly present to you, my very first "On the Sidewalk" interview of the new year.

Question: "What is your New Year's Resolution?"

Acapella Phil

Acapella Phil

"Honey, my resolution is the same every year. Stay fabulous! Though, this year, I may shoot for 'tremendous'."

Evergreen

Evergreen

"I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?" (Evergreen then walked away before I could repeat myself.)

The Monster

The Monster

"I plan to get over my fear of... well, everything this year. I might even try to help Lady Justice fight some bad guys."

Princess Elf

Princess Elf

"I definitely need to stop drunk dialing my great-aunt Belinda."

Moonshadow

Moonshadow

"Steal Shit. Obviously."

Village Idiot

Village Idiot

"Oh dawg, I can't go into details right now, but truuuuuust me dude, I am going to paint my masterpiece this year. I'll be the flyest villain on the streets when I'm finished, son! Trust."

Cosmo Williams

Cosmo Williams
(of The Wacky Astronauts)

"We are recording our third album, No Strip Clubs on Mars, in June, so there's that..."

Lady Justice

Lady Justice

"My only real immediate goal is to get The Silly Goose into some kind of gambling rehab, so I guess that's my New Year's resolution."

Silly Goose

Silly Goose

"Lady Justice can suck my eggs. My New Year's resolution is to avoid all forms of gambling rehab this year. How do you like that, Justice? Ha!"

Jett

Jett

"Resolutions are stupid. What are you bothering me for?"

The Blizzard

The Blizzard

"I'd kind of like to vacation somewhere warm. *laughs* I'm joking. I'm making an ice castle up north. It's going to be so sweet."

Miss Witch

Miss Witch

"I'm going to learn an Ugly Spell to use on Candy Girl for always staying in my business. Grow up, you cheap hooker!"

Candy Girl

Candy Girl

"I think I will find out what Miss Witch plans to wear to every major event this year and make it a point to work the same dress, better than her. Also, I plan on reminding you people that the 'hot girl with super powers' thing was mine long before that bitch. I'm the original, thank you very much."

King Caveman

King Caveman

"There is only one resolution worth having: stay alive. Keep living. Set your goals and stick to them, but make sure you got your shit together before you try anything bold. Live your life, love your friends, and be happy. Pointless worries kill people. Stay happy, stay healthy, and you're invincible... Unless you're like me, and you're invincible anyways, due to supernatural abilities."

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