On the Sidewalk with Chip Newsly:
Valentine's Day for Ladies

by Johnny Craft

Hey all, it's Chip Newsly back at you for another Weekend Edition of "On the Sidewalk" and boy do we have a fun one.

Every week, I walk down Main Street in downtown Atlas City and ask the same question to heroes and citizens alike, to get their take on some current events.

This week, I decided to add a little Valentine flavor to the recipe and ask (mainly females) about the most desired superhero in the city.

Question: "Who do you think is the most handsome hero in Atlas City?"

Lady Justice: "Who gives a shit? This is your hard-hitting, newsworthy question? Come on, Chip. What happened to journalistic integrity?"

Rainbow Sparkles Bubble Girl: "My favoritest ever is The Monster, because he is big and fuzzy and cuddly and has big monster eyes and he wears pretty colors and I want to hug him to pieces!!!!"

Polar Bear: "Normally, I would say my partner Grizzly is the most handsome, but let's be honest. He's a skinny, worthless nobody and hitting the gym once in a while wouldn't kill him. So, I don't know... The Silly Goose?"

Bird Bitch: "I will destroy all the men in Atlas City."

Sandy (citizen): "I have always had a thing for Asteroid Floyd of the Wacky Astronauts. He signed my boobs at a concert, once."

Great-Aunt Belinda (Princess Elf's great-aunt): "Now, everybody knows the correct answer is King Caveman. He is a rugged outdoorsman type and as far as I can tell, he hasn't aged in 60 years. I'm telling you, those are some genetics that you'd want to reproduce with. I'd take me a slice any day, darling."

Acapella Phil: "If you're looking for the most well-dressed, well-maintaned superhero, with an unmatched sense of style, then you need to look no further, sweetie. He's standing right in front of you."

previous
home
next