On the Sidewalk with Chip Newsly:
Valentine's Day for Fellas

by Johnny Craft

Welcome friends, welcome lovers. It's Chip Newsly back for Part 2 of our Valentine's Day version of "On the Sidewalk".

Last time we asked the ladies of Atlas City who they thought was the most handsome hero in the city. This time, I decided to ask the guy about the girls. Who do the men of Atlas City thinks is the most beautiful female hero around?

Personally, if I must answer my own question, I think Princess Elf takes the cake, but I have a strange taste in women. Do any of the super-powered fellas agree with me? Let's find out.

Question: "Who do you think is the most beautiful woman in Atlas City?"

Captain Weather Bones: "I've always fancied me a bit of Lady Justice. I wouldn't mind plundering her booty, if you know what I mean."

Mell-O Yell-O: "I have a girlfriend, dude. I don't know if I should be answering this... Wait a second, I don't have a girlfriend! Ha! Nevermind! Miss Witch, by far, dude."

El Maracas: "Candy Girl makes every other woman in this city look like a disgusting pig. She is the cream of the crop, when it comes to hot chicks... Does it sound perverted to use the word "cream" when talking about chicks?"

Billion Buttons: "That Acapella Phil is a very beautiful woman. I've only seen her in magazines, but I would love to hear her sing... What? That's a guy? Well, I guess that explains the Phil part, but now I just have more questions for and about myself. Oy vey..."

Cosmo Williams (of The Wacky Astronauts): "My wife is by far the sexiest woman in Atlas City. I can't even consider anyone remotely on her level."

Darky Matters (of The Wacky Astronauts): "Cosmo is so full of shit. He only says that, because he got married before he got famous. She is certainly no Miss Witch... or Candy Girl. Shit man, I don't know, both of those ladies are perfect 12's. I'll just pick both of them."

The Village Idiot: "Why do you ask? Is someone asking about me? Because, you can give out my number, bro. It's all good... Where you at, bitches? You know I can treat you right! Which one is most beautiful? I like 'em aaaaaalllll, brotha."